hell hath no fury...

to protest the growing divide within the kenyan coalition government, women in kenya have decided to withhold sex for a week.

the kenyan coalition government was created when over 1,000 people were killed after the kenyan election in 2008. since its creation the coalition has been less than successful in assuring the kenyan people that outbreaks of violence will be minimized.

i send my regards and wish that i could join you ladies in solidarity. but unfortunately i do not reside in kenya. so instead of taking on this brave act of deprivation along with you i will simply post some motivational quotes to keep hope alive.

modern invention has banished the spinning wheel, and the same law of progress makes the woman of today a different woman from her grandmother.
- susan b. anthony

not knowing when the dawn will come, i open every door.
-emily dickinson

we must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily difference we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.
-marian wright edelman

in politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-margaret thatcher.

because man and woman are the complement of one another, we need woman's thought in national affairs to make a safe and stable government.
-elizabeth cady stanton

if you thought coloring books were supposed to be fun...

think again.

a coloring book entitled "a scary thing happened" that depicts devasting tragedies that have occurred in america over the last decade, including the events of 9/11 and hurricane katrina, was published in 2003 and was just discontinued last week. the intended aim of releasing the coloring book was to teach traumatized children about tragedy.

because actually living through the tragedy itself evidently does not teach you enough.

twitter. the new bird.

cnn posted an article today about a twitter group entitled, akbaddrivers, that lets angry drivers in alaska take out their frustrations through tweets.

oh alaska. you guys and your brilliant ideas.

in defense of her online group, co-creator molly hutchinsons said that when "you yell out the window or give them the finger, you really don't get any vindication and this gives you an outlet to vent your frustration to others and feel like you've gotten a little justice."

yes. because nothing says justice like watching someone that you have just cut off swerve off the road in an effort to fit their frustrations into a 140 character tweet.

the talented.

looks can be deceiving but britain definitely has talent. and they will stop at nothing to prove it. so all you americans relying on your good looks, style, and grace, take note.

competition.

i used to think that being a clerk at a gas station was the most dangerous job that anyone could ever have. after watching this video, competitive maybe, but dangerous, maybe not. i now know that it takes a certain kind of skill. i wonder what the interview is like.

interviewer: so i'm just gonna ask you a series of situational questions just to get an idea of how you would react in certain situations. you just say the first thing that pops into your head.

interviewee: okay.

interviewer: hypothetically speaking, if a man were to enter the store with a machete. you would a.) run b.) call for help or c.) try your luck and see if you can take him down.

....

"you can do sex."

today the new york times published an article about two brothers residing in karachi, pakistan who have decided to participate in the lucrative $3 billion fetish and bondage industry. this is an extremely risky venture considering the strict political and religious laws that are enforced in pakistan.

of course not risky enough as the new york times has given the names and ages of the two brothers, the specific location of where their controversial business can be found, as well as photographs of the two men.

why we love michelle.

she is the ultimate housewife. and she shows all the housewives slacking on the job how it should be done.

we all know that in order to assume the position of housewife you must marry a man whose job is so incredibly stressful that his superiors have no choice but to compensate him accordingly. check.

secondly, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. so be sure to lure him with all sorts of delicacies while courting and once you two have made it, be quoted like michelle, saying that "you don't miss cooking at all".

and then while your husband is hard at work invite elementary school children over and tell them that you think you "have the best job in the white house" and that you "don't have to deal with the hard problems every day," but that you "get to do the fun stuff."

and because all successful and hardworking husbands want a wife who maintains her weight, when those children ask you your favorite thing you tell them "eating food prepared by the kitchen staff". and when they ask you your least favorite thing, you tell them "running on the treadmill".

and if your husband is too busy to spend time with you and take you out to all the nice places around town be quoted saying, "i have this thing that i like to do with some of my staff members, and we sneak out, without telling anybody, and we go and test out all the fun places to eat in d.c". that will teach him.

oh michelle. two words. three syllables. role model.

my apologies.

so i clearly missed the mark with my prediction that the venezuelan equine encephalitis virus would be the government conspiracy used to scare the masses. my sincere apologies and i would like to assure you that i have learned my lesson so as to be more astute when discerning these matters for next time.

1. venezuelan equine encephalitis was clearly a distraction in an earnest, not to mention clever, attempt to divert attention until the true government conspiracy plot was fully developed.


2. the plot has to be catchy. no pun intended. swine flu is a lot easier to say than venezuelan equine encephalitis. "flu-like" apparently carries no weight at all. flu actually has to be in the name.


3. the outbreak has to be started in a country other than the united states. (obviously! how did i miss that?) preferably in country for which most americans have already established some form of disdain. i.e japan, mexico, etc.

...and they say we need education reform.

nope. the apathetic academic curriculum allows for the expression of creativity, imagination, and genius through alternative extracurricular activities.

uk's finest.

the bbc released an article today entitled "uk's super-rich hit in economic downturn".

hmm. and this is news because...? were they not supposed to feel the hit of the economic downturn like the rest of the world?

in the article, it was reported that the number of billionares in the uk has fallen from 75 to 43. it was also reported that the top 1,000 richest people in the uk now only share £258bn ($380 billion) which is down from last year's £413bn ($680 billion).

so that translates to mean that a year ago the share of wealth for the uk's richest 1,000 people was around £413mn ($680 million) per person but now it's only £258mn ($380 million) per person.

those poor babies. really. babies.

only you can prevent forest fires.

residents in south carolina ignited a yard fire on saturday to burn yard debris which blazed into a wildfire burning over 70 homes and 19,000 acres of land near myrtle beach.

the fire rekindled wednesday after it was thought to have been put out on saturday. the fire chief stated that it is common for fires to smolder under forest brush even after being doused making it possible for them to reignite days later.

please take note of the words once sagely spoken by smokey the bear: "only you can prevent forest fires". seriously. because apparently forest fires can only be prevented, once started they are clearly unstoppable.

blast from the past.

so i'm doing my morning scan of exciting news that's going on the world when i come across my favorite tabloid. facebook. here i find that morehouse college will host its annual miss maroon and white pageant tonight. and this years theme? willy wonka and the chocolate factory. in acquiescence to the theme, the contestants have adopted the pseudonyms:

1. "cotton candy"
2. "starburst"
3. "sweet tart"
4. "hot tamale"
5. "now and later"
6. "reese's peanut butter cup"
7. "hershey's kiss"

hmmm?

or maybe it should be mmmm hmmmm to sound more like the salivating men that will be in the audience tonight.

what will they think of next?

have you ever seen those exciting iphone commercials and asked yourself, "what in the world will those geniuses think of next?" well you didn't see a commercial for the baby shaker app because apple pulled it off the shelves yesterday. as you can imagine, its concept of shaking a crying baby in order to keep it quiet upset a few people.

how do you play?

"see how long you can endure his or her adorable cries before you have to find a way to quiet the baby down!" (this was the actual description listed on the i-tunes site.)

and how do you know if you've won?

if you have successfully quieted the baby two large, bright, red x's will be placed over the baby's eyes.

this application is probably the most true to life application that has ever been developed since the creation of applications. so i don't understand what everyone is so upset about. thank you apple for creating apps for people who like to shake real babies so that now they don't have to.

evolution.

evidence of a virus targeted specifically towards macs was found in january and researchers at symantec successfully identified the program this week.

until now pcs have been targeted because they are the most widely used computers. but as macs have increased in popularity, hackers decided that macs may actually be worth their while.

thanks ibotnet for leveling the playing field.

just when you thought it was safe...

the government has devised yet another plan to scare the public back into submission.

vials of a dangerous and potentially fatal virus called venezuelan equine encephalitis have magically disappeared from a lab in maryland. this is a virus that causes sickness in horses and can be passed onto humans through mosquitos. once contracted, humans experience flu-like symptoms and is fatal in about 1 percent of cases.

"mosquitos" & "flu-like symptoms"-the key words in any government, biological conspiracy, remember that.

now the good news: there is an effective vaccine for the virus and there hasn't been an "outbreak" in the "united states" since "1971".

so they say.

can you keep a secret?

because careerbuilder.com can't. today they published a top 20 list of careers(jobs) that make $20 an hour. below are the top ten.

1. carpet installers


2. massage therapists


3. outside collector


4. vocational training instructor


5. truck mechanic


6. tax examiners, collectors and revenue agents


7. disc jockeys


8. funeral directors


9. religious activities and education directors


10. counselors

now everyone will flood to these industries decreasing their demand and subsequently their value and how much the individuals within these industries will get paid. as if it wasn't hard enough being an "outside collector". thanks.

son of a gun.

yesterday, georgia governor sonny perdue signed legislation that would allow state and county prisons to charge inmates for health care.

is there something constitutionally wrong with providing adequate health care despite costs to all american citizens? why are they so adamant about making us pay to be healthy? other than the united states health care system being a multi-billion dollar industry whose profits depend on the illnesses of americans i really don't understand why any government official would want to charge anybody for health care.

and the winner is...

well not miss california.

if you haven't heard by now miss america contestant, carrie prejean, has stimulated a great deal of controversy because she simply opposed the possibility of extending the right of gay marriage to all states.

wait, you oppose gay marriage and you're from california? exactly what part of california?

do you really come from a country where you "can choose same sex marriage or opposite sex marriage"? where is this magical mythical country where people can "choose" to be gay or straight?

poor perez hilton. he had the biggest smile on his face and was so excited to ask his question due to his own sexual orientation. and she wiped that smile off his face with the quickness. adding insult to injury, she inserted "no offense to anyone". you obviously have no idea who perez hilton is.

new today on craigslist.

today, second year boston medical student, philip markoff, was arraigned and held without bail for the death of a masseuse that he found on craigslist. due to the seriousness of the matter i won't make of light of it but rather list a few lessons that can be learned.

1. internet security is an oximoron. finding someone on the internet and making the decision to meet them in a private location such as a hotel room to perform pleasurable acts after dark is never a good idea.
2. it is understandable that you want to get an accurate description of what type of person the alleged killer may be and your first inclination is to find the closest individuals to them. this also is a bad idea as those closest to the alleged killer will say things similar to what his fiance was quoted saying on good morning america such as, "he wouldn't hurt a fly". now that doesn't seem very accurate now does it?
3. when describing someone who has just been arraigned for the shooting and killing of an innnocent woman please refrain from phrases such as "he wouldn't hurt a fly" because at this point that's not really relevant.

how many years does it take to improve school security?

apparently ten.

today marks the 10 year anniversary of the columbine massacre. and with that the obama administration has decided to shift emphasis from school violence to quality education in an effort to improve school security.

wow. does it really take 10 years to realize that if students are provided a quality education along with adequate parent/teacher involvement and not treated as potential criminals, forced to wear ids and clear backpacks and subject to metal detectors and security cameras that maybe they are less likely to act like criminals?

just when you thought those suffering from obesity had it hard enough...

researchers at the london school of hygiene and tropical medicine published a study claiming that heavyweights contribute more to the problem of global warming than lightweights.

and their reasoning?

well it's obvious that it takes more energy to move heavier people which means that the extra fuel that it is need to transport them would create a greater emission of greenhouse gases.

i don't know. is it a coincidence that this study was released so close to earth day (4/22)? is this a poor attempt to fool the public that all they have to do is lose weight and ostracize those who are overweight to help our sacred mother earth? could the release of this study be a possible distraction from what the real cause of global warming actually is?

you worry about the wrong things.

i recently received a letter in the mail from the good folks at the city of east point police municipal court judge and warrant division. in an effort to spare you the boring details of this letter i will only mention the words that were bolded in a sloppy attempt of intimidation so that you get the main idea...WARRANT, ARREST, ARREST, home, family, friends or place of employment.

this letter was originally sent to my home address in alabama and my unassuming mother then mailed it to me unopened (i love her).

it was mailed to the alabama address because that is the address on my license which i have misplaced and have been driving without for about three weeks now. i was instructed to contact the city of easpoint as soon as possible but this honest endeavor only led me to a series of unreturned phonecalls and voicemails in which the qualifying phrase appeared to be: "or you can come down to the city of eastpoint and turn yourself in". hmmm

i concluded from this that the good folks down at the city of eastpoint are too lazy, i mean busy and would rather me come down there so that my doing so could be "misinterpreted" as turning myself in.

but little do they know...

i am not resident of city of eastpoint or even georgia. i am just living here until i finish school upon which i am not returning home to alabama either. therefore they have no accurate records of my whereabouts. the only way in which they may possibly have a chance at finding and arresting me is if i am to get pulled over. in which case i wouldn't be driving with a driver's license anyway because i seemed to have misplaced that quite some time ago making it slightly more difficult for them to identify me.

so yes i would still get arrested but it would be for something completely different than what's stated in the warrant.

"mother and i are very entertaining, that's true."

last night hbo premiered their made for t.v. movie, grey garderns. it details the lives of the aunt and first cousin of former first lady jacqueline bouvier kennedy onassis. "big" edith bouvier beale was played by jessica lange and "little" edie was played by drew barrymore. what appeared to the rest of the world in the 1970s as eccentricity and borderline insanity was revealed in the 2009 plot as the preservation of grace, creativity, and determination. the story of these two women blithely accepting the hurdles of life all the while maintaining their distinctly unique and vibrant spirit is nothing short of inspiring.

favorite quotes

"mother wanted me to wear a kimono. we had quite a fight."

"he sounded awfully married."

"you've got to go on, chicken. even when you've lost your soul."

"grey gardens is my home. it's the only place where i feel completely myself".

"edie! don't let them take anything out my house!"

"no mr. goodman. it's all in the movie."

in case you missed it

hbo will be replaying it until the end of april. check your local listings.

you know you're watching fox news when...

i can't take credit for finding this one because i never watch fox news so i definitely saw this on best week ever first. i could make all sorts of jokes about fox news being disconnected and out of touch with what's going and what's really important at the moment but that would be too easy and this clip is already too funny.

super boo.

if i could have one song follow me around everywhere i go to be my own personal soundtrack and my own personal introduction whenever i walk into room it would be this song.

Super Boo - Kid Cudi

did you hear that new jim jones single?

yeah. me neither.

my apologies. the question should have been, "have you heard the remix to that new single and now jim jones is on it?" it could take you a while to figure out exactly which song i'm thinking of but below might be a few of your guesses.

in order of appearance not preference.

1. electric feel (remix)- mgmt featuring jim jones


2. paper planes (remix)- m.i.a featuring jim jones


3. summer wit miami (remix)- trey songz featuring jim jones


4. pop champagne (remix)- ron brownz featuring jim jones and juelz santana


5. day n' nite (remix)- kid cudi featuring jim jones


6. lost (remix)- gorilla zoe featuring lil' wayne and jim jones


7. turn my swag on (remix)- soulja boy featuring lil' wayne, jim jones, and jadakiss


8. shoulders move (remix)- n.o.r.e featuring jim jones

gun show.

according to the wall street journal today fear and greed as a result of a failing economy have driven up the sale of guns and ammo.

okay. and here's a third. the reporting of an increase in the sale of guns and ammo is responsible for an increase in the sale of guns and ammo. if everybody else is stocking up on guns and ammo would you want to be left without guns and ammo?

it ain't trickin' if you got it.

so apparently our secretary of state, hillary clinton, is in debt due to her run for presidency and has run out innovative ideas on how to raise money. she has settled on selling her husband and former president, bill clinton, for a day.

the bbc reports, and i quote in all sincerity, "the day with mr. clinton involves meeting him in new york and attending several interesting events".

this is bill clinton. when you say "interesting events", you are going to have to be a little bit more specific. especially because this is not one but several events. sounds overwhelming.

and to hillary: besides setting the women's movement back about 30 years, it's obvious that you learned your lesson from the impeachment of president clinton in 1998 and have decided never to go home empty handed again.

easy as 123

the new york times claimed today that child obesity is linked to chemicals in plastics. these chemicals are known as phthalates which have been known to disrupt endocrines which affect hormones and glands that are responsible for bodily functions. obese children have been shown to possess more of these in their bodies than less obese children.

nah. i'm not buying it. call me old fashioned but weight gain usually occurs when your calorie intake is greater than the amount of calories you burn. so it's not the plastic toys that you should take away from these kids.

thank you for not smoking.

cnn revealed a story about a 28 year old man in russia who was thought to have had lung cancer until the doctors found a 2 inch fir tree in his lung. the doctors hypothesized that at some point the man must have "inhaled" a fir tree seed and the seed simply continued to grow inside his lung. hmmm.

this was what kind of tree, again? a fir tree? yeah right. it was a "tree" alright. but nobody inhales fir trees. good looking out docs.

how american.

yesterday the conservatives came out in thousands to atlanta's capitol to protest what they felt was a considerable increase in their taxes. these two clearly have never filled out out a w-2 or even seen a 1060 in their life.

in a nostalgic attempt to show the world how it should be done, crazies in massachusetts dressed themselves in 18th century clothes and wigs protesting "no taxation without representation" and threw crates of tea into the boston harbor.

little did they know...

the first, and i would even argue more legitimate, boston tea party of 1773 was started by colonists who actually did not have representation in america and did not have the right to vote to elect their own representatives here.

and no matter how mad conservatives may be over the election of president obama and the new policies of his administration, they at least have the right to vote in elections. i'm sure they used their right to vote in the elections of 2000 and 2004 to help elect and re-elect a president that increased the national debt by $4 billion and initiated a $3 trillion dollar war in iraq. but when a new administration devises a plan to create a financial bailout to incubate a failing economy in an effort to stimulate future economic growth, conservatives come out to protest?

similar to the short-sided perspective and policies of the former administration, protesters claim that our government is too big and we need to return to a system that allows for the freedom and independence of its people.

yeah. let's maintain a botched laissez-faire system of government and not even pay taxes at all. then we'll all be so free that we won't have any of the services that our taxes pay for.

we're going to feel so liberated when our highways and roads haven't been maintained. there are no police officers to catch all the criminals that have been freed from the prisons that have been closed because there is no money to pay for them and you're scurrying frantically to put out your house fire because there is no money to compensate fire fighters.

glad i voted for change in '08.

i doubt that i have ever been in love...

because it has never felt like this...

How Do You Write A Poem?

how do you write a poem
about someone so close
to you that when you say ahhhhh
they say chuuuu
what can they ask you to put
on paper that isn't already written
on your face
and does the paper make it
any more real
that without them
life would be not
impossible but certainly
more difficult
and why would someone need
a poem to say when i come
home if you're not there
i search the air
for your scent
would i search any less
if i told the world i don't care at all
and love is so complete
that touch or not we blend
to each other the things
that matter aren't all about
baaaaaanging (i can be baaaanged
all day long) but finding a spot
where i can be free
of all the physical and emotional bullshit
and simply sit with a cup
of coffee and say to you
"i'm tired" don't you know
those are my love words
and say to you "how was your
day" doesn't that show
i care or say to you "we lost
a friend" and not want to share
that loss with strangers
don't you already know
what i feel and if
you don't maybe
i should check my feelings

-Nikki Giovanni

death and taxes.

"....but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
benjamin franklin, 1789

with that stated, today is april 15th. tax day. the last day to file taxes. and i have not yet. i work for a non-profit that never took any taxes out of my check. so even with all the wisdom provided by mr. franklin, i simply assumed that i didn't have to file taxes. i'm so used to uncle sam taking money and then giving it back to me in may. so i concluded this year that i didn't have to do anything because no taxes had been taken out. and boy was i wrong. below are some of the penalties for not filing.

if you don't file you are subject to failure-to-file penalities which can be up to 5% of your income tax per month that you do not file.

and then there's interest. because there's always interest. interest is charged on both the penalties and the taxes not paid by the due date. the combination of penalties and interest could increase the amount that you have to pay up to 25%. as a matter of fact, it actually works out better for everyone if we don't file correctly or on time. universal healthcare here we come. no wait. i mean financial bailout here we come.

in addition...

most programs that disperse loans require tax returns so not filing would put you at a disadvantage if you were ever going to need money for school, a car, or a house, etc.
filing taxes is also a way in which the irs and the ssa keep track of your lifetime earnings. this information is used to determine eligibility for disability, social security, unemployment compensation, and medicaid. so if you're planning on working for a financial institution that has the potential to make your entire ira or pension plan disappear into thin air leaving you with nothing but your social security, this would be good to know. this is also beneficial if you are not planning on working at all.

ouch.

relax guys. we have until midnight tonight.

obama's new dog - bo.

okay so if anyone loves themself some obama it's me. and watching the obama family and their new dog makes me love them even more.

for starters, when i think of new dog, i think of puppy and this big guy is a few months, maybe even years, away from being a puppy. notice how malia tries to "walk" bo who decides that he would rather run. as a consequence, malia must now run the dog/ run with the dog.

malia why have you now chosen to go back towards the white house? [hilarity].

secondly, notice how many photographers have come out to to take a photo of the dog. come on guys, we're in a recession. can't you just share? and i'm sure all the reporters that were assigned to this piece were ecstatic and bubbling over inside with intelligent and thought provoking questions about the president's dog, however the one that made it on camera was "where is he gonna sleep?" hmmm.

it's the white house. if they told you which room would you even have a clue as to what room they may be talking about?

and lastly, i would love to address the interestly familiar letters than make up bo's name. how creative and original.

the greatest food ever: chocolate.

i'm home alone fantasizing about what would make this evening of solitude even more gratifying. at the top of my list tonight is stevie wonder (check), nikki giovanni (check), cabernet sauvignon (negative), a djarum (negative), good company (negative), and chocolate (negative). then i start thinking about how i've been craving chocolate and how i have pacified this craving for the past few nights now. and there's always the obvious reason (ladies) but other than that i wanted to know what it is about chocolate that makes me crave it more than any other food...

i found out that chocolate contains about 6 chemicals that alter natural brain processes. but these three are my favorites...

phenylethylamine is responsible for creating feelings of euphoria and excitement.

anandamide activates the same receptors as THC, the chemical found in weed that makes you feel "high".

tryptophan releases a chemical in the brain called serotonin which is what causes people to feel relaxed and at ease.

yum.

i'm naming her avant-garde after her father.

...i want to be remembered as someone who wasn't afraid to take chances and push the envelope. as someone who lived life to the fullest despite what people may think and inspired others to do so.

word of the day: avant-garde

this word is usually used in reference to anything that is experimental, innovative, or that pushes the boundaries of what is considered normal or status-quo.

and although deciding to create a blog is anything but innovative, this word is such an inspiration to anyone deciding to venture out and try something new.

um so with that said...

innovate. create. experiment. don't be afraid to do something that you have never done before. even if you fail, lessons are learned in failure.

no worries.

because.

i am always thinking about something. and as the titles suggests, this sometimes manifests itself as apprehension. i created this blog as an outlet for some of my thoughts. i have no particular theme in mind for my blog posts (for which i am experiencing trepidation for not doing so).